I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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