Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize