i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
