I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
