home. puking in laundry basket.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
