the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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