So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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