Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
