I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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