Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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