i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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