So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
