I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
