It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
