All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The uberlube is also flammable
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
