how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
