Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
