i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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