I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
