Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
