So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
