He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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