i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
