clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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