WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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