There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
