happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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