if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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