Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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