i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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