State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Two words: blizzard sex
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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