She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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