Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found the puke drawer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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