Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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