then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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