So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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