3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
