if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
