So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize