Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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