You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
