Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
