my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
