You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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