I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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