yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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