it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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