Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize