a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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