I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
