He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
