So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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