All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
