how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
