Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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