I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
PANTIES FOUND
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