quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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