I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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