Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
