So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
