Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
