just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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