my room smells like sperm. sweet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
