He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
