you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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