Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
