I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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